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To all our clients and colleagues:
As 2002 draws to a close we trust that you will be taking a break and having a relaxing
and happy Christmas with family and friends.
On a lighter note, to finish the year we hope you will join us in applauding the sound
scientific theory and innovative thinking behind the following.
The following is an actual question given on a Reed College (Portland, Oregon)
chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared
it with colleagues via the Internet, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it
as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas
cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the
rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can
safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are
leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that
exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of
their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and
since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to
Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to
increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because
Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the
same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
- If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell,
then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks
loose.
- Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year
"...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the
fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot
be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.
The student received the only "A".
Best wishes for the festive season and a safe and prosperous New Year.
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